UK Broadcaster Content

INT. DAY. THE BACK-BEDROOM OF A HUMBLE SEMI-DETACHED HOUSE IN A MODEST PART OF TOWN. 12.07. DAY 1

[Writer’s note: I’d prefer this to be ‘the enormous converted loft-room of a six-bed mansion … ?]

[Producer’s note: check with budget.]

[Line Producer’s note: you do realise who we’ve got playing the lead?]

FAUSTUS IS SITTING AT HIS DESK IN FRONT OF THE COMPUTER. HE COUGHS GENTLY AND BEGINS TO TYPE, READING ALOUD AS HE DOES SO.

FAUSTUS: Never let it be said that we’re all doom and gloom. There is now something for UK writers to celebrate.

FAUSTUS STOPS, SIPS FROM A MUG OF TEA, GRIMACES - IT’S COLD. STARTS TYPING AGAIN.

FAUSTUS: The good news is that the BBC, ITV and C4 are going to …

HE FLICKS BACK TO THE BBC WEBSITE, THEN STARTS TYPING AGAIN.

FAUSTUS: … launch a joint on-demand service which will bring together thousands of hours of television in one place.

FAUSTUS SMILES A LITTLE, RE-READS IT, RUBS HIS EYES, READS IT AGAIN. YES, IT’S TRUE. HE TYPES.

FAUSTUS: Of course The WGGB and our respective agents are going to have to bargain hard over this, but at least there’s a potential for royalties. And in a way it’s a bit of a celebration of all our efforts, of the great writing that happens in this country.

HE TAKES A BREATH, SMILES, LEANS FORWARD AGAIN, EARNEST NOW, ENTHUSED.

FAUSTUS: According to the BBC News website, ‘Michael Grade, ITV's executive chairman, described the project as having the potential to become "an important shop window for UK broadcaster content and a great destination for viewers".

HE SMILES, GIGGLES A LITTLE, THEN SUDDENLY LOSES THE SMILE, FROWNS AT THE SCREEN.

FAUSTUS: ‘UK broadcaster content?’ Funny old phrase to use. ‘Broadcaster content?’

HE PONDERS FOR A MOMENT, STARTS TYPING AGAIN.

FAUSTUS: To illustrate ‘UK broadcaster content’ the website offers an example of a Channel Four drama ...

FAUSTUS SITS THERE FOR A MOMENT STARING AT THE BBC WEBSITE. THEN HE MOVES FORWARD TO TYPE BUT HIS FINGERS ARE SLOW, LEADEN, HIS MOUTH IS SET INTO A GRIMACE.

FAUSTUS: A still from ‘Ugly Betty’.

FAUSTUS STARES AT THE SCREEN, LOOKS AT HIS NOTES, SHUFFLES THROUGH THEM, SIPS FROM HIS TEA, GAZES OUT THE WINDOW, HIS EXPRESSION BLANK, HAUNTED.

[Producer’s note: This is nice but I’m not sure the actor we’ve booked can do ‘blank and haunted’ could he cry or bang his fist on the desk or chuck his computer out the window? Also do we need the mug of tea?]